Stage One Year Later

It's been a year. That's right a whole year since David, Betsy and I started out that foggy morning in St Jean. A year since I began my physical, psychological, and spiritual journey that I remain on to this day. True, I am not walking 22 km a day with my life on my back and the only things I think about are what I will order at the next cafe or what town I’ll be stopping in for the night. My how I wish things were still that way. What I would give to be back there.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Camino. Some days the memories are accompanied with a tear, others a smile, often both. The memories range from the vivid, as if I were watching a movie, to blurs that I struggle to grasp and hold onto as though if I let go the trip will cease to exist. I find myself looking for things to bring me back to what we fondly called the “Camino Brain”, trying to relive moments long passed and dearly missed. Whether these attempts are reading my old blog posts, re visiting my old photos, following current pilgrims travels on Instagram, flipping through our guidebook, donning some piece of my limited camino attire, or even just looking for anything that has to do with Spain or walking.

While it may sound like all I have been doing for the past 11 months is looking for a way to go back to the past, which is not entirely untrue if I’m being honest. In reality it was all just a state of mind. And who has more control over your state of mind other than yourself? My memories are simultaneously my reminders and my reasons. They give me purpose. I have learned better how to live my life in the now and for the future. On Camino I learned how to take in the beauty of the everyday. To know that tomorrow will come. When tomorrow comes I will get up and “walk”. I will walk through my day, take everything that is thrown at me, learn from it and push forward. Never without taking whatever opportunities come my way to live MY life the way I want and makes me happy NOW. Now what I think might make me happy in 5 years, 10 years etc. Because if I have learned anything, life is not something that we we need to “figure out”, it is not a puzzle. It is a journey. It is a Camino.

I see my friends, I read, I write, I spend as much time as I can outdoors, I take care of my body, I search for knowledge; I do.

I love, I learn, I laugh, I cry, I stress; I feel.

I will admit to being human, and sometimes I do forget and surrender to the social confines on how to live. But because of the journey I traveled in those Spanish hills and the everlasting mark it has left on my mind, body and soul, I will always remember and come back home. To my true self, my “Camino Brain”, and to my faith.

So what else is there to say other than… Buen Camino! 

Looking down the road in St. Jean Pied du Port unknowing of the wonders that lay ahead